Monday, October 20, 2008

Watchman Chew Is Watching You!

I came across this hilarious post when I was enjoying the Puritan-Reformed fellow’s antics on his blog. (Update: Watchman Chew has since deleted his previous post, but he seems to have forgotten that the post is replicated in his personal blog diary here. Enjoy it before he deletes the evidence AGAIN!)

It seems that he has an official name-card.

He is not a pastor, elder, deacon, bishop, archbishop, or the pope (I think you would have guessed).

But he has an important office in the Church of our Lord Jesus Christ.

This office puts him above all other offices. And his responsibilities are great and grievous.

No, he is not just a pastor.

No, he is not just the pope.

He watches over all pastors, elders, deacons, bishops, archbishops, and the pope himself.

Daniel Chew is the Watchman. More specifically, Watchman Chew.

A commentator on the post of his (by the handle of “MarkBark”) wrote:

Dear Watchman Chew (author AND apologist as well),

Your humble commentator here acknowledges your spiritual authority in pronouncing oracles against those whom you deem as heretics and deviants-in-Christ.

Watchman Chew (can I call you WC for short?), yours is a position of great responsibilities. As the uncle of Spiderman (in Spiderman fame) has said, "with great talents come great responsibilities."

So, WC, may you be encouraged as a Watchman to watch over and guard the universal church of God against deviant pastors, elders, bishops, and archbishops from every denomination, church and diocese on this planet.

What an awesome responsibility, WC!

Watchman of Watchmen,
Mark B.

In response, Watchman Chew (the most reverend, most high) pronounced a warning (ex-cathedra) to our friend MarkBark:

“I exhort you to repent of your pride and turn to God in humility for forgiveness of sins, otherwise I can tell you that you will face the wrath of God when Christ comes again, and contrary to what some may believe, it is NOT a pleasant thing. While you still have time, and while it is today, repent of your prideful attitude, name-calling and rebellion against God (Heb. 3:7-11), and do not spurn the kindness of God towards you.”

Oh, hide us from the wrath of Watchman Chew!

Oh, thou art most holy, Watchman Chew!

Oh, thou wouldst grant us mercy, thou most reverend Watchman Chew!

On retrospection, I have realized something concerning watchmen.

Watchmen like to watch over everybody else, but they abhor anyone watching them.

Watchmen watch over even the writings and pronouncements of the Pope, but he himself is above all such “watching.”

In other words, these watchmen put themselves above the Pope in terms of spiritual authority and office.

They watch over the pastors, elders, deacons, bishops, archbishops, and the pope himself, but nobody is supposed to watch over the watchmen.

Best of all, watchmen are self-appointed.

They are appointed by their conceited, narcissistic, vainglorious pride. And who are we to disagree?

But I have given myself a dreadful responsibility.

I would be watching over these watchmen, including the most reverend Watchman Chew.


Kittee83 said...

It was pretty funny to read that. How have they the right to use this Watchman status they put on themselves. Did they get a degree in it or something?? Ridiculous!

Antithesis said...

Dear Kittee,

Thanks for visiting my dump.

We all know they don't have any qualifications in "watching," but the queer part of this is, they self-appointed themselves for some weird "reasons."

Somehow, their interpretation of the Bible is the only "correct" one (ex-cathedra?). They criticize other spiritual authorities ... because they themselves have become the authority. Remember those whom Jude described as - "set at nought dominion, and rail at dignities (Jude 1:8, ASV)?

Well, beware! The Watchman is watching over you.

Jean said...

This is so ridiculous!

Who in the right mind will make a namecard, and appoint himself as "apologist, watchman"? He doesn't even have any theological education, and he wants to be "promoted" to be an apologist? And watchman? Oh my!

Is he dying for some form of recognition?